It’s not at all uncommon for us to find ourselves marveling at DISH’s signature cocktail of chutzpah and hypocrisy. DISH is the common denominator in roughly three out of four service disruptions resulting from retransmission consent impasses, yet, when its customers lose access to programming they value because of DISH’s intransigence, DISH brazenly rolls out a carefully orchestrated campaign to blame broadcasters in an effort to secure regulatory favors from the FCC. In DISH’s latest broadcaster hold-up – this time with Tribune Broadcasting – it has taken things one step further and publicly announced it is suing its negotiating partner in federal district court. And, upon reading the complaint, we have to admit that DISH has really outdone itself this time.
DISH’s suit concerns advertisements and websites Tribune has used to educate viewers as to why they can’t view Tribune’s programming on DISH. DISH accuses Tribune of tarnishing and diluting the value of DISH’s trademarks by using words like “dishgusting” and “dishturbing” to describe DISH’s conduct. So, from the outset, it’s clear that DISH’s suit is a very serious, credible attempt to enforce its rights and is totally worth a court’s time (and absolutely should not have been filed in Comic Sans font).
DISH is also outraged that Tribune would suggest that DISH customers who are frustrated by their inability to receive Tribune programming consider switching to another service provider. According to DISH, urging customers to switch service providers causes real harm because, when customers do switch, DISH cannot get them back. Given how sensitive the company appears to be about dishparagement, someone should alert DISH that it just admitted that customers who try another service provider are a bit like Taylor Swift – they are never, ever, ever getting back together with DISH.
Besides, isn’t trying to get customers to choose your service offerings instead of your competitors’ sort of the whole point of advertising? DISH itself uses advertising to try to convince customers of other service providers – including DirecTV, Comcast, Time Warner Cable, Charter and Verizon – to switch to DISH. The complaint seems dishingenuous, at best.
But it’s not just that customers may leave. DISH is also extremely frustrated that customers call DISH to complain, or get more information. DISH is clearly dishappointed at the prospect of having to spend more time talking to dishgruntled customers who are frustrated by the dishruption in their service.
DISH’s super serious, thoughtful complaint that you definitely should not take lightly or make fun of in any way also accuses Tribune of making dishceptive claims by asserting that customers gave DISH the lowest rating for value in a 2015 customer service survey. According to DISH, it didn’t really finish last for value in that survey; rather, the company finished tied for last. In effect, DISH is claiming that Tribune is off base because even though DISH received the lowest rating, it shared that honor with other companies. Put differently, DISH’s lawsuit is premised in part on the notion that, while its customers think DISH provides terrible value, they don’t think it provides uniquely terrible value. It’s more a run of the mill terrible value. This is such an important dishtinction that DISH adds in a footnote that the company again finished tied for last for value in a 2016 survey. Just so everyone knows this wasn’t an anomaly.
At bottom, of course, this suit is nothing more than a dishtraction. DISH’s subscribers currently can’t access programming they value through DISH because DISH would rather pay below-market rates for programming. That’s what this dishpute boils down to. If the company really wanted to provide a dishincentive for customers to leave, it might consider engineering fewer service dishruptions that deprive customers of their desired programming.